This article will explain so much why I pendulum back and forth.
Psychotherapist Floss Knight says first love is so compelling in part because we idealise it. 'It is a romantic early dawn, which often has an effect on us for the rest of our lives, because some people cannot move on from that idealisation.' And that 'First love never dies because in most cases it doesn't have a chance to grow old,' she says. 'It is forever idealised. If you actually go back and deconstruct your first love, how realistic was it? How special was this person really? How much of the feelings you have are linked to nostalgia for what you perceive as a magical past?'
Catharsis is key to moving away. Not just moving on. But away.